So there's this boy, and he's the biggest bullshitter I know.

And he deserves complete hatred from me.

Too bad I can't seem to give it to him.

'Cause I fucking love him.

I'm the biggest idiot I know.

<3 <3 <3

Last night I was reading through a bunch of old posts, and it was just fun. I fucking love going back to the beginning of this thing and reading the posts and the comments. It brings back a lot of memories. I miss a lot of things. It sucks cuz I know I'll never have them back.

I have no idea what's going on anymore. I'm so lost, but I really don't care.

I really, really miss 8th grade and Freshman year. Those were the best school years ever, just the people and how crazy it was. I loved it. I wish it was freshman year again. It was so much fun. I had a ton of classes with awesome people. Most of them had to go to Central this year. Everyone else I just didnt see much in school. Then I just stopped going to school. I don't think I'm gonna be going back to South until my Senior year, until then I think I'm just going to stay at Premier.

I hate how one guy is always on my mind. I wish I could move on but he always pulls me back in the second he calls, after what seems like forever of not talking, and just says 'hey' im just gone at that point. All my feelings for him just come rushing up and knock me on my ass. I know i said I wish I could move and part of me does, but  most of me doesn't. I never knew a guy could have such a hold on me. I just wish something would happen. We have a beyond fucked up relationship. Even though it isn't really a relationship. I really don't know anymore. It is impossible to try and figure this out. If I tried to do that I'd just drive myself insane. I'm crazy in love, and I'm not even sure if he cares anymore, or if he ever did. Maybe he just loved me in my head.

I don't know I just thought I'd make a new post since my last one is from months ago. Although it doesn't matter much cuz everybody worships myspace now and don't even care about xanga anymore. Losers.

<333 Melissa

Currently Listening Wasting Time By Mest see related

Yeah so I just got back from Mest's LAST CONCERT!!!!! They are fucking like retiring! I'm so pissed and super sad. I'm friggin cryin my eyes out here! None of you know how much Mest means to me, or how much I fucking love Tony Lovato! You don't.

It was a fun concert but just super sad. I'm also in a lot of pain lol. People's asses think my head is a damn chair! Lol, Allister played too and a few other bands I don't really know.

Tons of hot boys oh dang! Lol, I was pretty happy with the turn out.

After the concert me and Cindy were walking to my car and this old ugly, yucky, nasty, disgusting black guy hits on me. I'm like wtf! He was askin me some pretty weird questions he's a psycho and then asks for my number so i thought if i gave hima  phone number he'd just leave me alone. So I gave him my old phone number from my old house. And he's like alright ill call you tonight maybe we can hook up or go on a date sometime. I was just like yeeeaahh.. We always get fuckin hit on after concerts! Its lame too because after the concerts we look like total shit i dont know how we attract all these guys.

And Damn you Cindy! We forgot to take an effin picture u frickin diphole!

Cindy i guess doesnt like me driving too much lol. First cuz when i want to turn onto a street i go right in front of like a million cars coming but i go fast so its fine, but it was raining so my car started twisting and skidding oh damn it was funny almost got hit by a car lol. Then when we were on the expressway goin downtown it was just lame as hell stupid people! Then when we r downtown i ran a red like cuz for some reason i started looking at this limo next to me because.. it was shiny and big lol. So i was just following next to it then the psycho cynthia starts screaming at me so i look at her like wtf? And turns out i ran a red light lol that had been red for awhile i guess. I was just following the limo tho so its not my fault and i mean WE DID get across fine lol.

Some funny sayings from the bands:

That's not a beer motherfucker!

Why the fuck are you cheering? Your not in this!

Don't cheer you don't know who we are!

Lol it was great those things were fuckin hilarious.. you just had to be there.

Well yeah im all hurting like hell here so i guess i should go. I tried to cut down on my swearing so much but i still think i sweared a lot in this post. Oh well sorry.

I GOT MY LICENSE!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!! 

So tell me you didnt mean it.
that you never cared for me at all.
Make this easy, baby, say you hate me.

                       Because you are the KING of mixed signals.
                       You expertise is breaking me, making me want you
                        Just enough to stay near, but never getting too close.

Love is like setting yourself on fire.
Than not caring enough to put the fire out
Before you burn to DEATH.

Cause I could always depend on you to be completely undependable. Never quite sober enough to finish this conversation. And I just wanna know, Why it hurts so much to stay but I wont let you walk away. And I know you'll never answer me in this fucked up state of mind.

        -- Can someone teach me how to give up?